People to avoid: The Douche

Typically, this individual is male, white, often a scuzzbag, an athlete, and/or wealthy. He’s arrogant, thinks the average woman has been waiting her whole life to give him access to her holy of holies, and will be the first to deny that there’s anything wrong when people start dying. They are often physically attractive and are certain to try to get you into bed.

The Douche will be one of the first to break out the booze. Do not drink or smoke anything he gives you. To the Douche, roofies are foreplay.

This guy (as mentioned, the Douche is typically male, but its female equivalent does exist; think Rachel McAdams in “Mean Girls”) will have played an important role in getting you all into the situation, will be a distraction before the Slasher makes his appearance, and will be a veritable library of bad ideas once the Slasher does show up.

Avoid this guy like the venereal disease he’s certainly incubating.

“Hey, anybody hear the new Chris Brown track? Good, right?”