Initially, Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet seemed promising. It opens with a scene that could have been a somewhat clever homage to Halloween, the first kill even preceded by the sight of a girl seated in front of a mirror.
The killer here, however, is the girl, Mary, who goes on to murder her parents in an impressively gory manner. A little over ten years later, Mary has been institutionalized and appears to spend most of her time naked. She is raped—a scene that is more graphic than it needs to be—and ends up pregnant. Mary is told her daughter died at birth and she kills . . . everyone, until she’s finally shot dead for tossing a severed head at a cop car (a capital offense in most states, actually).
And what, you ask, set Mary off in the first place? Menstruation. Her menstrual cycle drives her nuts. She is cinema’s first PMS killer. Her Vagina Monologue is a kill list.
Honestly, as mentioned, (somewhat explicit rape scene not withstanding) Blood Night gets off to a fairly good start.
Then we learn that the legend of Mary, now called Mary Hatchet, spawns a thoroughly reprehensible annual tradition, called Blood Night, which involves, among other things, egging strangers and holding parties in homes decorated with bloody tampons.
That’s kinda gross, especially given that the whole thing is played for laughs, but the film really goes from promising to abysmally juvenile the moment we are introduced to its main characters.
The characters in Blood Night are completely unlikable. Within five minutes of their appearing onscreen, you’ll be looking forward to their being killed in the most brutal manner possible. By the time they’re arguing about the proper way to make a margarita (maybe ten minutes after their initial introduction) you’ll be wanting to see them all headless, neck-stumps spewing.
These are the people you hated in high school. Hated. And now the makers of Blood Night force you to spend over an hour with them. By the forty-five minute mark I was still watching only to see them die; there was no way I would accept to’ve spent three-quarters of an hour with these assholes without getting to see them slaughtered.
Even Danielle Harris, who appears in the film for no more than ten minutes, is borderline reprehensible, using a fake story about the oh-so-funny topic of gang rape as a means of introducing herself to the group and the viewer.
But supernaturally unlikable characters are not this film’s greatest crime. Its greatest crime is that it is boring.
Despite its mercifully short running time, a full two thirds of Blood Night is more a crappy Porky’s rip-off than it is a Slasher film, complete with sophomores spying on frolicking seniors, male characters who exist only to be enormous douchebags, and female characters who exist only to reward the guys’ douchebaggery by stripping and gyrating. The sex and nudity are gratuitous to the point of tedium.
So why even one star? Well, the film does look pretty good, and the kills, once the killing actually begins, are decent—they’re gory and graphic and manage to inject a modicum of fun into an otherwise dreary film. Otherwise, this is the kind of movie that give Slasher films a bad name.
Even with decent kills, this film is in no way worth watching.
Length: 83 min